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Find the Right Couples Therapist

Couples therapy, also referred to as couples counseling, is a specialty – probably the most complex form of therapy there is.

Searching for a therapist can be daunting. Most of the time, couples just choose one randomly and hope they get lucky. Getting two people who inevitably have some different priorities, interests, values, beliefs, sensitivities, and goals to work as a strong and loving team is no simple task. Especially if partners have trouble communicating, negotiating, and compromising.

The effective couple’s therapist needs to know how to skillfully call out your partner when they are spinning in their self-protective defensive bubble and blaming, shaming, guilting, or disengaging. They need to see the big picture of how you got stuck in this place and guide you to a future that brings out the best.

This is your most important relationship we’re talking about. So let’s take some of the chance out of this decision.

Let’s take a careful look at what makes a good couples therapist. They are not all created equal, so we’ll talk about the kind of training, mentoring, and experience you should expect your practitioner to have and what you can anticipate when you work with one of our professionals.

Thorough training about all aspects of couples relationships.

Our counseling approach is different from others since our therapists are trained in the acclaimed Developmental Model approach, which helps couples move through different developmental stages of their relationship. Our practitioners will help you to set goals and to move at your own pace through this important work.

Mentoring from a compassionate committed expert.

We provide the very best practitioners available who are passionate about helping couples. They are offered mentoring and support along the way. Many continue to participate in our international training community and/or training webinars to update their skills to give you the best chance for success.

Experience with all kinds of personalities and couples.

All of our practitioners are vetted through our training program, and are experienced in helping couples navigate many challenges. Whether you’re looking for premarital counseling, marriage counseling, discernment counseling, family therapy, relationship coaching, or other forms of couples work, we can connect you with skilled practitioners to help you on your journey to a better relationship.
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What To Expect From Working With A Developmental Model Practitioner

How soon do the improvements begin if you choose a Developmental Model therapist?

How about BEFORE the first meeting?

After you schedule an appointment, you and your partner will receive a document about how to get the most from your couples work. It describes the qualities of relationships that flourish, what you can expect from your therapist, and what is expected of you.

Yes, that’s right. They expect you and your partner will do more than complain about each other and then hope for the miracle of “happily ever after.”

The end of the document has three questions which will focus your efforts in a positive direction. These questions help keep each of you from mentally rehearsing bad behavior stories about each other to being really prepared for your first  meeting.

After your sessions end, the Developmental Model therapist will often suggest homework, readings, exercises, or inspired brief videos that are all designed to keep the momentum going.

They will provide support, encouragement, and guidance. They will also challenge certain beliefs and attitudes that have become nasty detours on your journey to relationship fulfillment.

Nobody can promise success in this endeavor. But if both of you can follow directions and apply what you learn, you will have a good experience.

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THE DEVELOPMENTAL MODEL

Developmental Model therapists train for at least a year in an international community, in addition to their graduate degree and licensing requirements. They get a series of lessons that build on each other so they get a deeper and broader understanding of couples’ issues. They learn to recognize common stuck places and then learn tools to help you address them. They get video training and interactions with trainers for maximum acquisition of knowledge and principles. They profit from collective group wisdom, experience, and support.

Developmental Model therapists learn about the parts of the brain that want a great relationship without emotional risk or sustained effort. Yes, this is a form of self-protection, but it keeps relationships strained and distant. Knowing how to deal with these primitive, reactive survival instincts is crucial to improved outcomes for couples.

Most couple’s therapists are problem solvers. So is the Developmental Model therapist. But that is not enough. Because solving problems brings relief – not happiness.

Solving problems is talking about what happened yesterday and today.

Happiness is becoming a strong team joining forces toward an inspired future. And creating a plan to bring it about. The Developmental Model therapist becomes a great resource for you.

We’ll also give you a little secret described below – a surprise ingredient that’s part of every couple’s significant improvement in their relationship.

The Developmental Model Approach to Couples Counseling

The Developmental Model is a tested approach to couples counseling. Created by Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson more than 30 years ago, the Developmental Model encourages you and your partner to view your relationship challenges as part of a natural and normal struggle for psychological growth and wholeness. Rather than seeing conflict between you and your partner as a problem or illness, this method motivates you to focus on the strengths of your relationship and encourages growth, change, and forward momentum.

This internationally recognized method has benefitted tens of thousands of couples across the U.S. and worldwide, and draws hundreds of couples counselors and coaches each year to its acclaimed training programs sponsored by The Couples Institute based in Menlo Park, California. Many therapists trained in the Developmental Model can be found listed in Psychology Today and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) as skilled therapists for adult relationships. Drawing in part on the research of Margaret Mahler, Fred Pine, Anni Bergman, and John Bowlby, the method holds that life is a developmental process in which we as humans are constantly challenged and continually growing. 

Take a look at the Developmental Model stages below:

Symbiosis

Exclusive Bonding: The blissful merging of the two individuals into a "we" is known as symbiosis.

Differentiation

Managing Anxiety Over Differences: Eventually as each individual re-emerges, differences between you begin to appear.

Exploration

Moving from "WE" back to "I": When you are able to resist the pressure to return to a symbiotic state, you begin to reestablish your own identity and self-esteem that are independent of how your relationship is faring.

Re-Connection

Back & Forth Patterns Of Intimacy: In this stage you have strengthened your identity and learned to maintain your own point of view without hostility. You think more productively about your differences and disagreements instead of having automatic negative reactions.

Synergy

Independence & Interdependence: The flow between the individual and the “we” is becoming easier… almost automatic. The relationship is now more vital than either partner separately.

Symobiosis

Exclusive Bonding: The blissful merging of the two individuals into a "we" is known as symbiosis.

Differentiation

Managing Anxiety Over Differences: Eventually as each individual re-emerges, differences between you begin to appear.

Exploration

Moving from "WE" back to "I": When you are able to resist the pressure to return to a symbiotic state, you begin to reestablish your own identity and self-esteem that are independent of how your relationship is faring.

Re-Connection

Back & Forth Patterns Of Intimacy: In this stage you have strengthened your identity and learned to maintain your own point of view without hostility. You think more productively about your differences and disagreements instead of having automatic negative reactions.

Synergy

Independence & Interdependence: The flow between the individual and the “we” is becoming easier… almost automatic. The relationship is now more vital than either partner separately.

Just as individuals evolve through normal developmental stages, so do couples. Maybe you and your partner are stuck in a particular developmental stage and have become focused on each other’s flaws. A counselor trained in the Developmental Model knows how to refocus you and your partner on the strengths that you have. The counselor will help you both build the motivation to do hard work on the relationship, not just in the room during the therapy session, but especially in your daily life together. This work is designed to help you develop the skills to move you both toward self-improvement and greater relationship satisfaction.

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Now For the Secret That Was Mentioned Above – the Surprise Ingredient In the Recipe for Success.

Your relationship pivots toward greater satisfaction when you find the courage to move towards what you want.

It takes courage to leave the illusions of self-protection.

Courage is the sustained action you take when you judge something is more important than your fears, insecurities, self-protection and lazy habits. It takes courage to see and believe in working as a team toward an inspired future. 

Most couples want the rewards of courageous actions with minimal emotional risk and little sustained effort – just like you might want to lose weight by skipping one desert or get into good shape with one five- minute walk a week. It’s normal to want a lot while exerting a little.

Much of good couples therapy is identifying and clarifying the motivation and desire to work as a team towards an inspired future. Then, with the courage that emerges, plans are applied, milestones are met, connections are increased.

Courage is the foundation for communication, curiosity, compassion, and commitment. Courage allows you to persist when you stumble or falter. Acting from courage will renew your faith in your future. Although progress is tenuous at first, it becomes solid and significant with courage.

And then you may discover that your “Mythical Mate” has been at your side all the time.

HOW COUPLES COUNSELING WORKS
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Begin your journey towards the happy and healthy relationship you deserve.

How To Find Your Couples Therapist

It can be difficult and time consuming to find a highly skilled, well-trained therapist who is a good match for you and your partner. We make finding a therapist easy! All of our practitioners are vetted through our training program, and are experienced in helping couples navigate many challenges. Whether you’re looking for premarital counseling, marriage counseling, discernment counseling, family therapy, relationship coaching, or other forms of couples work, we can connect you with skilled practitioners to help you on your journey to a better relationship.

Our counseling approach is different from others since our therapists are trained in the acclaimed Developmental Model approach, which helps couples move through different developmental stages of their relationship. Our practitioners will help you to set goals and to move at your own pace through this important work.

Change begins before the first couples therapy session. Utilizing the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, you will learn the key steps towards creating happiness and rebuilding trust for today and tomorrow. Choosing a couples counselor is an important decision. Contact us for couples therapy, couples counseling, or coaching and restart your future today.

Expectations Of Couples Counseling

During your sessions, your couples counselor or relationship coach will work with you both to set goals for how to address problems in your partnership. You’ll both need to remain open-minded and optimistic, with a commitment to learning new skills and seeing things from each other’s perspective. It’s crucial for a couple to take responsibility for their individual actions within the relationship, and to make necessary behavior changes in order to work toward the happy and healthy relationship they desire.

Set the goals that you want to achieve during your initial session. Remember that you are only one person in the relationship, and your partner needs to be heard as well. Pay close attention to small changes and shifts in behavior and in each other’s feelings. Even the tiniest progress is a step toward bigger improvement—both self improvement and in your relationship together!

Productive Couples Counseling For Your Relationship
Strengthen Your Relationship Bond
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Find A Counselor, Therapist, Or Coach Skilled To Help You With:

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About Grow My Relationship

We have curated a selection of exceptionally skilled practitioners to offer couples in crisis a discreet and easily accessible means of seeking assistance from a  Developmental Model practitioner.  Navigating through relationship difficulties can be overwhelming, often making it challenging to access the support that you truly need. At Grow My Relationship, we strive to simplify this process for you. Guidance and assistance from professionally trained practitioners and relationship coaches are merely a single click away.

Our practitioners are trained and experienced professionals. Each practitioner listed in our directory is required to possess specific credentials or training (licenses, educational degrees, training, practice, specific experience working with couples for 3 or more years), adhere to any  Ethical Principles and Code of Conduct for their profession, and must undergo comprehensive training and mentoring prior to participating on our platform.

Our mission is centered around delivering the most exceptional marriage counseling, couples therapy, or relationship coaching available today. We are driven by our passion to identify, address, and provide proven solutions for relationship challenges, enabling couples to enhance intimacy and cultivate the loving connection they rightfully deserve.

It’s important to note that seeking help is not limited to conventional couples alone. As long as you’re facing relationship questions or challenges, our practitioners are dedicated to assisting you in your journey.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Couples therapy aims at someone with trouble in their relationship while everyone else goes to counseling to strengthen the marriage. It provides the necessary coping tools to handle upcoming problems healthily.
For marriage counseling, the best option is to consult a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), as they are experienced professionals specially trained in helping families and couples. LMFTs have the knowledge and tools to help couples reach a resolution that works for both parties.
Whether married couples should see the same therapist is a personal decision that depends on individual circumstances and preferences. Some couples find it beneficial to see the same therapist, as it allows for a comprehensive understanding of the relationship dynamics. It can promote open communication and shared insights. However, other couples may prefer to see separate therapists to ensure individual perspectives are addressed. Ultimately, the choice should be based on the most comfortable and effective for the couple.

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Terms of Service & Use

The inclusion of a practitioner in this directory is not an endorsement by Grow My Relationship, The Couples Institute, or Strategic Marketing LLC.
 
Grow My Relationship only accepts practitioners into the directory who have met the clinical/coaching training prerequisites and have completed the minimum of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy training program.

In order to be listed in the directory, all practitioners listed in the directory pledge to conduct themselves in alignment with the Ethical Principles and Code of Conduct, pertinent to their professional license or coaching certification and to be an actively licensed mental health professional or a trained coach in the jurisdiction in which they practice.

By using this directory, you agree to hold Grow My Relationship, The Couples Institute, Strategic Marketing LLC, its owners, officers, agents, employees, and affiliates harmless and indemnify them fully in the event of your dissatisfaction with a practitioner found via the directory.

Such dissatisfaction includes dissatisfaction that is known or unknown and predictable or unpredictable. Understand the above “hold harmless” and “indemnification” clause is mutual, between you, Grow My Relationship, The Couples Institute, or Strategic Marketing LLC.

The inclusion of a professional in this directory is not an endorsement.

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Coach

A relationship coach supports couples in learning vital partnership skills and helps you to develop conflict resolution skills, offering tools to achieve a thriving, healthy relationship. Coaches tend to focus on the present and creating an inspired future.

All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve. Therapists and counselors have mandatory educational and licensing requirements that are determined by the state or country in which they practice. Coaches do not.

Clinical Social Worker
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve.

This profession usually requires two years of study after obtaining an undergraduate degree. While specific licensure requirements vary by state, most require clinical social workers to obtain 3,000 hours or 2 years of supervised clinical experience, after obtaining a Masters degree. Social workers can also specialize in diverse fields such as human services management, social welfare analysis, community organizing, social and community development, and social and political research.

As you know, this is not an easy task when you and your partner are struggling to communicate, cooperate, and connect. This is where a highly trained guide is especially valuable.

Marriage and Family Therapist/Counselor (LMFT)
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve. 

Therapists and counselors have mandatory educational and licensing requirements that are determined by the state or country in which they practice. Obtaining this license requires a Masters degree which takes approximately two years of post graduate study. The license also requires 3000 hours of supervised work and passing written exams.

Counselors and therapists may make situational determinations about how deep to go into the personal history of each partner. They may seek to help you see where certain unhelpful patterns of behavior originated. 

Clinical Psychologist
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve.

After graduating from college, it usually takes about five years of graduate school to get a Ph.D. in Psychology. It then requires an additional two years of supervision and passing a written (and often) an oral exam. There are a few states that allow psychologists to prescribe medications (with additional training) but that is uncommon.

Our professionals can guide you to clarify your individual goals as well as enable you to develop mutually agreed upon and supported relationship goals.

Psychiatrist
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve.

After graduation from medical school, there is a generally a 4-year psychiatric residency. After the completion of this training, psychiatrists must pass an exam issued by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology to obtain certification and legally practice in the field. Psychiatrists can prescribe medications.

Our professionals can guide you to clarify your individual goals as well as enable you to develop mutually agreed upon and supported relationship goals.

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